put the message in the box
How it is, straight from the The Average Iraqi:
Betty Fink, from Schenectady, New York writes:
I know you've been dancing in the streets since we arrived at your shores to liberate you and your people. Do you need new shoes yet?
The Average Iraqi:
Hello to you, lovely blue-eyed Christian-American female! It is my sincere pleasure to be speaking with you today through the computer. Yes, as you mention, the past two years have been a blissful street party of explosive happiness, replete with much shouting and frenzied dancing! You are very kind to inquire as to the status of my footwear. Would that I could see them through my recently IED-cauterized retinas, I would certainly tell you. But please do not worry, for there is no shortage of shoes in Iraq. In fact, one need only loiter near any police station in order to find them suddenly raining from the sky – often still snugly laced to flame-broiled feet!
Les Moreland, from Chula Vista, CA writes:
What American chain stores are you most excited about seeing in your country now that freedom is on the march?
The Average Iraqi:
Greetings, Les Moreland! Yes, we Iraqazoids are unanimous in the sentiment that "things are getting much better" – and truly they will be better still once the wonderful American mega-corporations have made our proud, ancient cities aesthetically indistinguishable from Jacksonville, Florida. Wal-Mart, Lowes, Costco – all are welcome. Of course, we are most eager for the arrival of Hooters, inasmuch as we seek to emulate America's civilized and enlightened respect for its indigenous population of monster-titted Christian whores.
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