heaven is a place on 13th and grant
As I'm sure you're all aware, we environmentalists have turned away from the grace and majesty of your Christian God to the idolatry of pagan shemale Earth deities. Unlike your Christian God, however, we don't need to subjugate nations to win His favor, merely lure the occasional stray animal into the courtyard behind our apartment buildings for some full-moon-sacrifice action, and all our troubles - poof begone.
Joe Klein don't get me down, yo, 'cause environmentalism's my secular religion - some dismembered squirrels, a stick of incense and a few pages of Bill McKibben, and look what the God Pan is sending your Dex tomorrow night...
Where's your Messiah now?